Sometimes when an opportunity arises to embark upon a Great Family Road Trip…. your main man, your foundation, the rock of the family is just not able to join you. So what’s A Mom to do? Why leave that handsome hunk a well-written and carefully thought-out “Honey-Do” list.
Preferably in a letter form… like this:
Dear Love of My Life (a.k.a Macho Man MacGyver),
Since you are unable to join us next week on this wonderful 15 hour each-way road trip that I will be taking as the solo parent with our brood of six lovely and oh so quiet children, I was concerned that you might be bored during our absence. So I thought I would leave you a small list of things to tinker with around the house…. you know, only if you can find the time to get to them….
1. Clean out the vacuum- yes, I know that the Dyson commercials love to point out that they are the only vacuum on the market that never loses suction… but clearly they didn’t laboratory test the great purple device at our house…. and our vacuum can no longer pick up a piece of lint- let alone twenty-seven pounds of dirt that the kids brought in from the soccer fields, a 2 foot tall pile of shredded paper created by our 5 year old after dinner last night, and the prior contents of 4 dried out playdoh containers that the kids emptied under the couch.
2. Clean out the fridge- something smells in there… somewhere deep in the back- and I am afraid to look. Please find it and throw it away- or if you think it looks cool enough- then save it for the upcoming science fair.
3. Clean out the garage- While packing for this vacation, I’ve managed to stuff into my car pretty much everything from the garage that the kids ever cared about anyway… so as far as I’m concerned- the rest of it can GO!
4. Feed the carnival fish- the damn things survived in our house for two years since we rescued them from their plastic bag habitat at the St Pat’s church carnival…. so please don’t let them die while we are on vacation… the kids could be scarred for life. (And if they do croak- please be sure to flush them before we get home!)
5. Same goes for the dog! (feed him I mean, not the flushing part….)
6. Speaking of flushing- Um….I think one of the kids put your watch (you know the one I bought you for your birthday last year) in the toilet and then tried to flush it. Not sure if you can still retrieve it or not…. but that’s the real reasons the upstairs bathroom has been off limits for the last two weeks- I was kidding about the baby alligator in the bathtub.
7. Get some rest- you are going to need it sweetie- after a week of parenting on my own without the benefit of having them entertained at school all day- I am going to be WIPED OUT! So you are in charge of homework, baths, and bedtime for the next three weeks. Deal? (I thought it sounded fair).
I’ll miss you!
Your Darling Wife